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How To Show Up For Someone Who is Experiencing Grief

2/15/2023

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A Peacebuilding community member shared these words after experiencing a loss:

"Twenty-five years after our teenage son died of cancer, we still remember the kind words and acts of family, friends, and acquaintances. Even the smallest gesture still resonates today. I share this to encourage you. You may fear saying the wrong thing, but saying something always beats saying nothing at all. Here are a few words of advice on what to say to someone who’s grieving:

Say something. Show up: A handwritten note. Dropping off an easy-to-prepare meal. Attending the memorial. Sharing a memory of the deceased. However expressed, your personal contribution will be felt. 

Just listen: Give the mourner space to express their feelings openly. They may or may not feel comfortable doing this, and you may face an awkward silence or tears. It’s OK. It’s important to acknowledge their feelings and share, however briefly, in their pain.

Let grief be: Don’t try to make it go away with cliched phrases like “time will heal.” Nor is it time to offer suggestions like a good therapist or your favorite sleep aids. Your greatest gift is just being there to give emotional support.

Check in: In the immediate aftermath of a death, families receive a lot of attention. But the world around them soon moves on. You can make a difference by continuing to offer your support in the months and years to come."
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Sarah Augustine's Story

11/18/2022

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Sarah Augustine has been steeped in this work for her entire life. Growing up in Albuquerque, New Mexico, she is Indigenous of Tewa descent. Her father was removed from his family at birth and grew up in Denver, Colorado—300 miles away from his people. “Child removal was one of the most effective ways to remove Indigenous people from their lands”, she reminds us, and is a part of the lasting legacy of the Doctrine of Discovery. There were 100 million Indigenous people in North America when colonization began in the 15th century; there are now between 2 and 6 million Indigenous people here. Sarah became involved in this work because, in her words, her whole life story has been framed by the removal of her father. Her father, who was born into poverty, grew up in a Catholic boy’s home that was racially segregated and required manual labor. He endured physical, emotional, and spiritual abuse. Due to the impacts of intergenerational trauma, Sarah grew up in a poor, violent, and chaotic environment—a story that is regrettably not uncommon among her people. Purposeful policies and laws have created these realities for Indigenous folks across the United States. 

Sarah was the first person in her family to go to college and graduate school. She had a friend at church who began a job as an environmental advisor in South America, working with Indigenous people there who were impacted by gold mining. He felt uncomfortable with his work: he was extracting physical samples from the Indigenous people living there, but legally was not allowed to report any results back. He asked Sarah, who was trained in sociology, to come help him. During this process, an Indigenous elder told Sarah to either help, or to leave. Sarah described this interaction as one that has defined a large part of her life, and spurred her to continue building strong relationships with Indigenous peoples in South America and beyond. 
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Although the Doctrine of Discovery was created in 1823 as a legal framework for interpreting law, it has been an ongoing process that has defined realities for Indigenous peoples both historically and currently. As a doctrine created by the Catholic church, it has impacted Indigenous communities not only in the United States, but around the world. European countries wanted rules about who got to acquire a new territory, and the Doctrine of Discovery declared that the European state that first discovered a territory had a right to it—provided the land was “empty”, or not occupied by individuals who were ruled by a Christian monarch. In 2005, in City of Sherrill v. Oneida Indian Nation of New York, a Supreme Court case in which Ruth Bader Ginsburg wrote the majority opinion, it was ruled that the Oneida peoples could not buy back land that had historically been taken from them because they had lost their sovereign right at the time of “discovery”. When the Doctrine of Discovery was defined in US precedent, it was stated that Indigenous people were fairly and adequately compensated for their land because they had gained access to civilization and Christianity. 
 
On Wednesday, November 16, 2022 from 7:00-8:30pm CST, Sarah and her colleague Katerina Gea will discuss what the Doctrine of Discovery is, what the coalition and national campaigns are doing to dismantle it, and what the role of the Christian church has been in creating, emboldening, and strengthening it. Considering that the church was a driving force in developing the Doctrine of Discovery, Sarah states that they have an obligation to help undo its lasting impacts as well. We hope to see you there as we gather together to find opportunities to get involved in the movement and imagine a new way forward. Whether you are inside or outside of the organized church, working together to dismantle the Doctrine of Discovery is peacebuilding. Come be a part of the solution either in-person in Minneapolis or virtually.

The Dismantling the Doctrine of Discovery: The Land is Not Empty with Sarah Augustine event was held on Wednesday, November 16th, 2022, in person at Calvary Baptist Church in Minneapolis, and virtually. 

Sarah Augustine, Executive Director of the national Dismantling the Doctrine of Discovery Coalition and author of The Land is Not Empty: Following Jesus in Dismantling the Doctrine of Discovery went beyond identifying the problems of racism, colonialism, hate and discrimination, and shared strategies to take a decolonized approach to anti-racism.

The event was joyfully sponsored by Calvary Baptist Church, Faith Mennonite Church, Showing Up for Racial Justice Faith, and Minnesota Peacebuilding Leadership Institute.

You can find the recording of the event here:​ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gxfxrnUDLH0 
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The Importance of Self-Care During the Holiday Season: Strategies for Creating Peace Amidst Stress

11/9/2021

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If you’re feeling drained by everything that has happened in the past year and half, you’re not alone. A study done by the American Psychological Association showed that our sleep patterns are altered, our eating habits have changed, our mental health is impacted, and now--on top of all of that--we’ve been tasked with learning to adjust to living in a drastically changed society. There’s no denying it: we are living through a period of intense turmoil and it is causing unprecedented amounts of stress in our lives. 

Now the holiday season is rapidly approaching, with all its joys and struggles. Although it may seem like a small issue in comparison to everything we’ve been through, holiday stress is nothing to brush off. Cooking, baking, shopping, cleaning, and decorating, although often fun activities, can put pressure on us. Not to mention all the visitors during the holiday season! Many of us may have complex or difficult family relationships that must be navigated during this time period as well. 

Holiday stress with a backdrop of societal unrest and pandemic may seem like too much to manage, but that’s where self-care comes in. Using self-care tactics isn’t just a self-indulgent way to create warm and fuzzy feelings this holiday season. Self-care is an important and intentional way of creating space in our lives to rest, relax, and rejuvenate. And although that may seem like a difficult task in the midst of the holiday rush, it is in the best interest of all of us to take a moment to brush up on our skills for managing stress and maintaining inner peace during this season.

Join Peacebuilding in taking a Peacebuilding Pause and carving out some time to fill out the attached Holiday Self-Care and Resilience Worksheet. We hope it helps you brainstorm some ideas for getting the most out of the holiday season with the least amount of stress. Happy holidays!
Peacebuilding_Holiday_Self-Care_Worksheet.pdf
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Investing in a Larger Vision: Peacebuilding with Tabitha Montgomery of Powerhorn Park Neighborhood Association

7/2/2021

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In this Spotlight on Community Peacebuilding, we are happy to highlight Tabitha Montgomery, Executive Director of Powderhorn Park Neighborhood Association (PPNA). Tabitha is a leader who brings a wealth of experience and knowledge to the job. Although this is her first professional career in a nonprofit space, her passion for mission-centered work, focus on improving broadly defined community health, and emphasis on economic and community development make her an exemplary fit for the position. Her organization works on highlighting needs within the neighborhood—including issues such as housing concerns, livability and safety, and environmental justice—and then advocating and championing for resources for the community, including leveraging events and other services to build connection. 

Tabitha sees Peacebuilding’s work as absolutely essential to the communities in her neighborhood. We focus on issues of trauma awareness, racial healing, resilience, and restorative justice through a lens that prioritizes concepts such as truth-telling, acknowledging people’s humanity and stories, and repairing harm and meeting needs in a way that creates authentic justice. She believes communities are craving new approaches that facilitate, establish, and maintain community health in a way that focuses on developing and strengthening relationships instead of being expedient. In her opinion, we need a redirection towards authentically meeting needs and putting in the work to create long-term solutions. Resilience, trauma healing, and restorative justice develop deeper muscles and skills to be in relationship with one another in ways that don’t rush. “It’s not a binary track,” Tabitha says, “but the idea of creating an ecosystem of people and tools and systems. It’s not just investing in one system, but investing in the larger vision.” This vision builds community at the speed of trust. This is Peacebuilding.
 
Tabitha’s vision for her neighborhood includes providing opportunities for people to think deeper about how they can contribute—what they can offer, what skills they have, and what they care about—in a sustainable way. She imagines a community in which it is not just one group of people or one organization, but a collaborating collective that gives part of themselves to create something larger. She wants to develop more pathways for people to do that, including giving people time and resources to contribute to the world in a way that does not take away from their ability to care for themselves or their loved ones. 
 
Furthermore, Tabitha believes in the power of sharing—a simple act of giving something without being sure how the other person will use it. She seeks to meet each person on their path and does not believe that being dismissive or resigning to stay stuck in frustration are acceptable tactics. She says we must not allow our belief systems, indignation, or passion to preclude others in community from being seen and heard in a way that allows them to meet us on this journey. Nor does she believe that the end goal is homogeneity—instead, she believes in adapting and adjusting belief systems to practice deep listening and utilize informed, empathetic approaches towards the creation of genuine solutions that strengthen the whole neighborhood. 
 
We are grateful for the peacebuilding leadership Tabitha shares and practices. We are glad to be on this journey with her, PPNA residents, and other Minneapolitans as together we transform trauma into nonviolent power to repair, restore, and renew Minneapolis peace by peace. 

Join us at an upcoming training! Learn more here. 

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Imagining a New Way of Being Through STAR: Community Spotlight on Sonja Fernandez-Quiñones

7/2/2021

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Sonja was born and raised in Puerto Rico. She has an undergraduate degree in political science as well as a law degree. After graduating from law school, she and her husband came to the Twin Cities for a couple months before moving here permanently in April 2017. She has worked on a variety of projects, including legal writing, research, and content creation. She is also involved in a digital magazine in Spanish for which she is the editor. As of November 2020, Sonja has been the Systems Change Advocate at the Sexual Violence Center. She coordinates with the Hennepin County Sexual Assault Multidisciplinary Action Response Team. This team, which is made up of law enforcement, prosecutors, nurses, and victims’ services providers, comes together to figure out how to make a victim’s experience as smooth and painless as possible as they move through the system. She also works 1-1 with clients as an advocate, making referrals, providing counseling, and assisting survivors in navigating the system. 
It was a long journey to STAR for Sonja. After meeting an individual at a protest in 2019, she reconnected with him after the murder of George Floyd in May 2020 and was invited into conversations around restorative justice and grassroots organizing. Several people in these conversations had attended STAR and spoke highly of the training. When Sonja started working at the Sexual Violence Center, she began having conversations with her coworkers and supervisors about the implementation of restorative justice. The Executive Director and program manager agreed to sponsor her to take STAR. They saw how many survivors don’t want to go through the regular retributive justice system and needed ways of healing beyond prosecution. 
For Sonja, the most transformative part of STAR was embracing the process and allowing it to change her. Tapping into trauma, learning about the cycles of violence, and applying the strategies to break free were all relevant not only to her work with sexual assault survivors but also to her personal life. She learned her reactions are normal and that there is a “possibility of a life past trauma”. STAR gave her hope for herself and for other people—for communal and transgenerational healing. 
She believes we are currently at a turning point. The systems are showing cracks and falling apart. In her view, the teachings of STAR are pivotal for this moment. What are we going to build after the system crumbles? How do we move forward? How do we find different ways of healing and coping that don’t rely on demonizing and punishing others? STAR offers a foundation for imagining a new way of being in relationship with each other that generates and creates healthy power for personal and structural transformation.  
Sonja is excited to be on Peacebuilding’s board. She looks forward to helping promote STAR and spread the word about Peacebuilding through creating new relationships and building bridges. 

Learn more about Peacebuilding's 2-hour, 8-hour, and 38-hour STAR offerings here! 


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The Origins of the Strategies for Trauma Awareness and Resilience (STAR) Training: A Conversation with Carolyn Yoder

7/2/2021

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Carolyn Yoder MA, LPC was one of the individuals who developed the Strategies for Trauma Awareness and Resilience training (STAR). STAR was instigated at a time when the United States was still shocked and reeling from the attacks of September 11, 2001. Funded with a $2,000,000 grant from the Church World Service in New York City, they realized the needs were different with the 9/11 tragedy. As a nation that was deeply impacted by this horrific event on a large scale, we needed a transformative method of addressing psychological trauma, finding meaning, and working toward healing without demonizing others. Amidst the aftermath, STAR was initially created as a one-week training for community leaders and caregivers. People from around the world attended—community members, chaplains, mental health personnel, and medical staff. STAR’s aim was to equip these individuals with the knowledge and skills that would help heal their communities. 
 
The vision for STAR from the very beginning was to expand our understanding of trauma’s harmful impact beyond the individual. STAR also looks at the effect of trauma on communities, groups, and nations. It includes historical, generational, cultural, and structural trauma. The goal was for trainees to learn a new, deeper understanding of psychological trauma. First, STAR offers an understanding that trauma is a normal physical response to frightening situations, and that it impacts the body as well as the mind. Second, STAR trainees learn that trauma is something each and every one of us can address—no special educational degrees are required. When we recognize the signs of trauma—us vs. them stories, redemptive violence narratives, good vs. evil language, etc.—we can step back and address the situation through a healing lens that builds resilience. And third, STAR tells us that there are tools and strategies that can make a difference right now. We can address root causes, learn self-regulation skills, and engage in restorative practices to address community as well as individual trauma. At the end of the first STAR training, trainees were hopeful and empowered. The results were not only gratifying, but extremely clear: what STAR offers could help people in new and different ways. 
 
Right now, we are living in a time of collective trauma. There is not a single person who isn’t affected by what is happening with COVID-19 and racialized trauma, which means we have all the more reason to use a community-oriented approach. It is more important than ever to have restorative justice-focused strategies to address trauma and transform conflict. We need to go deeper than simply looking at our struggles as a mental health challenge; we need new ways of understanding each other and addressing the situations in which we find ourselves. The collective trauma we’re living through is creating polarization, isolation, and suffering. We can either add to the pain and wounds of the world, or we can be what Carolyn calls “agents of calm” to transform psychological trauma into nonviolent power with positive, productive alternatives to revenge within our spheres of influence. We have the opportunity to use STAR concepts and skills to calm ourselves to think creatively and clearly, accessing deep wisdom and healing as a collective for positive structural change. 

Join us at an upcoming STAR training! Learn more here. 

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Spotlight on Restorative Justice in Minneapolis: Community Peacebuilding with Cynthia Prosek

4/6/2021

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We are happy to share the groundbreaking work of Cynthia Prosek at Restorative Justice Community Action (RJCA), based in the heart of downtown Minneapolis. Restorative justice (RJ) is a transformative process that empowers those who have been harmed and humanizes those who have caused harm. A paradigm shift from the traditional punitive legal system, RJ provides an opportunity for those who caused harm to engage with the community by accepting responsibility and repairing the harm directly. 
 
Cynthia Prosek has been RJCA’s Executive Director since 2012 and she has been involved in practicing restorative justice in various capacities for over 20 years. She started with RJCA as a volunteer, then joined the board when it became a nonprofit before becoming a staff member. She has been instrumental in RJCA’s focus on providing avenues for practitioners of color to be leaders in restorative justice work.
 
According to Cynthia, RJ focuses primarily on fulfilling the “victim’s” needs to have the harm repaired directly in a meaningful way.  Restorative justice also focuses on removing the label of “offender” by giving people involved in the criminal legal system a second chance when they are willing to take responsibility for the harm they have caused. RJ examines underlying root causes, such as cultural context, poverty, racial inequities, and socioeconomic disparities. RJ offers a way forward for all stakeholders to reconnect as a community while holding each other accountable. 
 
Right now, RJCA is preparing for the trials of the four Minneapolis police officers involved in the murder of Mr. George Floyd. As an organization, RJCA has been named as the node, or holder of information, for the TRUST Network in Minnesota. Together with the TRUST Network, RJCA is bringing together a multitude of community organizations to lead efforts in addressing community violence through early warning and early response with strategic nonviolent power. They are coordinating resources and information to respond to political violence in the community. RJCA’s goals include providing spaces for the community to talk about the trauma caused by law enforcement and the criminal legal process. Through collaboration, they are helping community members to understand aspects such as what is happening in the courtroom, what the trial involves, and what impact these processes have on the wider community. 
 
Dr. Erica Chenoweth, Harvard University nonviolent movement scholar and researcher indicates that it only takes 5% of a cross-section of a population who are active in a nonviolent peacebuilding campaign to create a tipping point. When this happens, unjust oppressive societal structures begin to disintegrate and transformation is set in motion. We are grateful to have RJCA as a catalyst for Minneapolis’ nonviolent transformation tipping point. 
 
Do you want to be part of this movement to transform Minneapolis’ community trauma into nonviolent power? Join us to learn strategies, skills, and concepts for positive social change at one of our upcoming virtual Introduction to Restorative Justice trainings. 
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 Learn more here! 
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Providing Resources after the Minneapolis Uprising: Community Spotlight on Dr. Antony Stately of the Native American Community Clinic

2/4/2021

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George Floyd's murder added to the ongoing instances of systemic police brutality across the U.S., injecting further trauma into our community. Read more about how Dr. Antony Stately is thinking about providing trauma-informed resources after the Minneapolis Uprising.

Dr. Antony Stately, CEO of Native American Community Clinic (NACC), has been involved with the Strategies for Trauma Awareness and Resilience (STAR) Training in Minnesota from the very beginning. Dr. Stately was drawn to the way STAR teaches about trauma as an intersectional spectrum, as well as how it addresses the way trauma shows up in our bodies. Having done a number of historical trauma healing workshops when he returned to Minnesota, he was intrigued by the effective and applicable methods for building resilience and healing trauma that STAR offers. He works with a community that doesn’t always have access to fancier, more expensive approaches that can be used to address trauma, such as therapy. He was impressed by the way STAR was complex and clear in its method for unpacking and understanding trauma and also straightforward in its strategies for helping. 
 
According to Dr. Stately, we have seen a lot of aspects of the cycles of violence in our communities lately. With the intense civil uprising this past summer in response to the murder of George Floyd, as well as the spotlight on broader, systemic level inequity and violence, Dr. Stately believes we need a thoughtful, trauma-informed response for law enforcement as well as the entire community. Without deliberate, neuroscience-based resources and strategies to address mass trauma, people often engage in seemingly unreasonable behaviors. STAR concepts have the capacity to help people understand what is happening “upstream” for them personally before anyone reaches for a gun or explodes outward with violence. Dr. Stately says that “we cannot psycho-educate people out of crises.” Instead, we need to ask the more challenging questions: “What does trauma look like, and how do we embody it?” “Why do we rush for control of others instead of talk and de-escalate?” “Where are the opportunities for a resilience framework to be implemented?” We need to show up differently, because when people don’t have effective tools to manage trauma, difficult, and often tragic, situations emerge. We need to build skills, acquire tools, and practice strategies that open up space for personal and community reflection and self-awareness for better decision-making in emotionally loaded situations. The virtual 5-day STAR Training and the condensed versions--STAR-Lite and Introduction to STAR--offer opportunities to reflect and to learn how to manage challenging circumstances differently. If we choose to, we can transform trauma into nonviolent power for personal and collective healing and social justice change.
 
Furthermore, Dr. Stately appreciates not only the strong focus on understanding trauma that is present in STAR, but also the strong focus on resilience, and what we each can do in our own spheres of influence. We can never completely remove traumatic events from our lives, but we can be better informed in how we deal with them. NACC’s focus is on reducing health disparities in the Native American community—spiritually, physically, emotionally, and mentally. Dr. Stately speaks of a deeply imbedded history of trauma and violence perpetrated on and within the community. In his view, one pathway out of this situation is teaching tools of resilience. STAR strategies teach people how to address trauma, understand the cycles of violence, heal, and build resilience with healthy power to bounce back and become even stronger after bad experiences. This process strengthens individuals and communities to work together for positive social justice change for all. This is Peacebuilding. 

Click here to learn more about offerings at Native American Community Clinic.
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Trauma Healing and Community Organizing: Spotlight on Peacebuilding Partner Tommy McBrayer

1/27/2021

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Historically, community organizing and trauma healing have not always been seen as going hand-in-hand. In this article, learn more about how one Minneapolis community organizer uses a trauma-informed approach in his work.

Tommy McBrayer has lived and worked in the Central neighborhood of south Minneapolis for 22 years. While working for the Central Area Neighborhood Development Organization (CANDO), he was forwarded an email containing MN Peacebuilding’s upcoming trainings. According to Tommy, he didn’t know a lot about trauma, its effects, or how to heal from it when he received that email. However, after becoming a victim of gun violence in early July, he soon found himself attending the STAR-Lite training. That training would play a major role in his recovery, how he viewed his situation, and how he could help others in the community that found themselves in a similar situation.
 
Tommy has experienced trauma in both his childhood and adult life, as have many of those around him. Although he had briefly opened up to others, he wasn’t sure how to process what had happened to him. He found the concepts of STAR-Lite both transformational and applicable. Being guided through the process of healing from trauma changed his understanding of his situation and helped him build resilience and prevent further violence in his life and community. He found the content and format—lecture style mixed with breakout groups—both enlightening and engaging. In particular, Tommy found the galaxy model helpful for conceptualizing the trauma healing process and helping to guide him through that process.
 
“As long as you’re human, you’ll experience trauma in your life”, Tommy said. However, although trauma is inevitable, we have power over how we respond to it. He says that since participating in the STAR-Lite training, he is able to look at situations from a different angle. Knowledge of trauma, resilience, and restorative justice have helped him develop the patience and compassion to look at the “person behind the problem”. 
 
Thank you for sharing a piece of your story with us, Tommy! ​

Pay-what-you-can spots are available for upcoming Online Introduction to Strategies for Trauma Awareness and Resilience trainings! Click here to learn more.
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Peacebuilding's statement on the murder of George Floyd

6/9/2020

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We at Minnesota Peacebuilding Leadership Institute lament and denounce the murder of George Floyd due to police brutality in Minneapolis, MN on May 25, 2020. We mourn the loss of his life and celebrate the unique place that he held in the fabric of our South Minneapolis neighborhoods. We acknowledge that George Floyd's death is a symptom of a society that has privileged the lives of White people over others. We recognize and condemn the role that white supremacy and racism play in the perpetuation of violence directed at Black individuals. All of this has led to individual and collective psychological trauma that cries for healing. Together, we must transform this trauma into nonviolent power for just systems change.

As a community in mourning, we must practice truth-telling for justice so peace does not elude us. As we demand change and work to transform our communities, we will navigate these difficulties with mercy and active compassion.

We believe this is a time to demand change in structural systems and to promote peacebuilding in our neighborhoods, in greater Minnesota, across the country, and around the globe. We must implore our leaders who have hearts of stone to turn their hearts to flesh. We also respect the fact that we as individuals must take actions to dismantle white supremacy and create an environment that protects, supports, and uplifts Black members of our communities.

We reject racism in all overt and covert manifestations. We are creating healthy power in our communities by building peace. As Coretta Scott King said, “Hate is too great a burden to bear. It injures the hater more than it injures the hated.” We invite you to join us at Minnesota Peacebuilding Leadership Institute as we transform Minnesota into the peacebuilding power state for all.
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Amanda Allen, Board Secretary
Earnest Belton, Board Director
Bruce Brunner, Board Treasurer
Nathan Jeide-Detweiler, Board Director
Sarah King, Board Director
Emily Myers Hunt, Board Chair
Gemma Eissa, Communications Coordinator
Donna Minter, Founder and Executive Director
Crixell Shell, Assistant Executive Director
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